To all my Friends...Thanks Alot ;-)

[igormothra]

To All My Friends Who Have Barraged Me With Those Countless Informative
Emails, Thought I Would Show My Appreciation With A Big Thanks...

To Whoever Sent Me the One about Rat Poop in the Glue on Envelopes because I
Now Have To Use A Wet Towel with Every Envelope That Needs Sealing, Also, I
Now Have To Scrub the Top of Every Can I open For the Same Reason.

I No Longer Have Any Savings Because I Gave It To A Sick Girl (Penny Brown)
Who Is About To Die In The Hospital For The 1,387,258th Time But That Will
Change Once I Receive The $15,000 That Bill Gates/Microsoft
And AOL Are Sending Me For Participating In Their Special E-mail Program.

I No Longer Worry About My Soul Because I Have 363,214 Angels Looking Out
For Me, And St. Theresa's Novena Has Granted My Every Wish.

I No Longer Eat KFC Because Their Chickens Are Actually Horrible Mutant
Freaks With No Eyes Or Feathers
As Soon As I Get My Free Dinner Coupons From Applebee's, I Can Eat Again.

I No Longer Use Cancer-Causing Deodorants Even Though I Smell Like A Water
Buffalo On A Hot Day.
Thanks To You, I Have Learned That My Prayers Only Get Answered If I Forward
An Email To Seven Of My Friends And Make A Wish Within Five Minutes.
Because Of Your Concern I No Longer Drink Coca Cola Because It Can Remove
Toilet Stains.

I No Longer Can Buy Gasoline Without Taking A friend Along To Watch The Car So
A Serial Killer Won't Crawl In My Back Seat When I'm Pumping Gas.

I No Longer Drink Pepsi Or Dr. Pepper Since The People Who Make These
Products Are Atheists Who Refuse To Put "Under God" On Their Cans.

I No Longer Use Saran Wrap In The Microwave Because It Causes Cancer.
And Thanks For Letting Me Know I Can't Boil A Cup Water In The Microwave
Anymore Because It Will Blow Up In My Face..Disfiguring Me For Life.

I No Longer Check The Coin Return On Pay Phones Because I Could Be Pricked
With A Needle Infected With Aids.

I No Longer Go To Shopping Malls Because Someone Will Drug Me With a Perfume
Sample And Rob Me.

I No Longer Receive Packages From UPS Or Fedex Since They Are Actually Al
Qaeda In Disguise.

I No Longer Shop At Target Since They Are French And Don't Support Our
American Troops Or The Salvation Army.

I No Longer Answer the Phone Because Someone Will Ask Me To Dial A Number
For Which I Will Get A Phone Bill Totaling $2,37476 With Calls To Jamaica ,
Uganda , Singapore , And Uzbekistan

I No Longer Have Any Sneakers -- But That Will Change Once I Receive My Free
Replacement Pair From Nike.

I No Longer Buy Expensive Cookies >From Neiman Marcus Since I Now Have Their
Recipe.

And Thanks To Your Great Advice, I Can't Ever Pick Up $5.00 Dropped In The
Parking Lot Because It Probably Was Placed There By A Sex Molester Waiting
Underneath My Car To Grab My Leg.

Oh, And Don't Forget This One Either!
I Can No Longer Drive My Car Because I Can't Buy Gas From Certain Gas
Companies!

Thanks To You, I Can't Use Anyone's Toilet But Mine Because A Big Brown
African Spider Is Lurking Under The Seat To Cause Me Instant Death When It Bites

And Remember, If You Don't Send This E-mail To At Least 144,000 People In
The Next 7 Minutes, A Large Dove With Diarrhea Will Land On Your Head At 5:00
PM This Afternoon And The Fleas From 12 Camels Will Infest Your Back, Causing
You To Grow A Hairy Hump.
I Know This Will Occur Because It Actually Happened To A Friend Of My Next
Door Neighbor's Ex-Mother-In-law's Second Husband's Cousin's Beautician ...
Have A Wonderful Day....Thanks

[DaveH]

LMAO! WE must have the same friends:razz:

[ocsnapper]

LMAO

[Steve]

Hmmm, I guess you haven't been told where that tobacco in your cigar REALLY comes from.
Don't forget about all the toxins from the fish yer eating.

Oh yeah, have a nice day Ollie! :glasses3: