letter to the bank

[igormothra]

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a
bank by an 86 year
old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough
to have it
published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
which I endeavoredto pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
elapsed between hispresenting the check and the arrival in my account of
the funds neededto honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit
of my entirepension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in
place for only eightyears.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window
of opportunity,and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty
for theinconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this
incident hascaused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your
telephone calls andletters, --- when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by theimpersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless
entity which your bankhas become

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with aflesh-and-bloodperson.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and
hereafter no longerbe automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
addressedpersonally and confidentially to an employee at your
bank whom you mustnominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act
for any other personto open such an envelope. Please find attached an
Application Contactwhich I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I
know as muchabout him or her as your bank knows about me, there isno alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medicalhistory must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatorydetails of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets andliabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue youremployee with a PIN
number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but,
again, I havemodeled it on the number of button presses required of
me to access myaccount balance on your phone bank service. As they
say, imitation isthe sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows: \
IMMEDIETELY AFTER
DIALING,
PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH #1.
To make anappointment to seeme #2.
To query a missing payment. # 3.
To transferthe call to myliving room in case I am there. # 4.
To transfer thecall to my bedroomin case I am sleeping. # 5.
To transfer the call to mytoilet in case Iam attending to nature. # 6.
To transfer the call tomy mobile phone ifI am not at home. #7.
To leave a message on mycomputer, a password toaccess my computer is required. Password will be
communicated to you ata later date to that Authorized Contact mentionedearlier. # 8.
Toreturn to the main menu and to listen to options 1through 7. # 9.
Tomake a general complaint or inquiry. The contact willthen be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated answeringservice. # 10.


This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,uplifting musicwill play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I mustalso levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this newarrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly lessprosperous New Year?


Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)

[Dave]

I love it.

[DumBbaSS]

yea go granny go!!!